<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Letters from Paradise by cleansingcream</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26038300">Letters from Paradise</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleansingcream/pseuds/cleansingcream'>cleansingcream</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Violet Evergarden (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Crossover, Levi coping with Erwin's death, M/M, Sad, eruri - Freeform, inspired by that episode in Violet Evergarden, mention of Gilbert Bougainvillea too</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:27:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,385</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26038300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleansingcream/pseuds/cleansingcream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin hired Violet from Auto Memory Doll to help him writing letters for Levi before his very last mission. The letters were later delivered to Levi after Erwin's death.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gilbert Bougainvillea/Violet Evergarden, Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prelude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Erwin kept on coming back late and Levi was suspicious of his behavior.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 1 : Prelude</strong>
</p><p>Erwin's and Levi's Bedroom.</p><p>Levi was sitting on the chair with his legs on the table. He had already worn his sleepwear which consisted of black shirt and black pants. He folded his arms and kept on staring at the clock. It's 40 minutes past 1 after midnight.</p><p>He then moved his legs to the floor, with his fingers on the wooden table. Kept on knocking the wooden table like someone with anxiety.</p><p>It's been a month for Erwin to come home extra late at night. He went to Stohess almost every single day and every time Levi asked what's going on at Stohess, Erwin only said something like "It's about the next expedition proposal."</p><p>But, that afternoon, when he was having lunch with Hanji and only with Hanji. He heard the kids who were eating behind him, talking about Erwin seeing a girl at Stohess. A girl who had fair skin, bright blue eyes and soft long blond hair, along with incredibly pretty face and slender figure. They called her "as pretty as a doll" and they also gossiped "Don't you think Commander have something going on with her? I saw her coming inside Commander's office several times"</p><p>The blue eyes, the fair skin, the blonde hair and the slender figure reminded Levi of Erwin's old crush, Marie, who's then married to Nile Dawk.</p><p>Whatever Levi's listening that afternoon certainly answered his question why Erwin always came back late every fucking night. He's seeing a woman. A very pretty woman, according to those young men.</p><p>"Hello, Levi," Erwin came home at 2 AM at night. He took off his jacket and his bolo tie and hung it on the hanger.</p><p>"Does it feel good <em>fucking</em> a pretty blonde girl?" Levi sounded very irritated, the petite man was glaring at Erwin like he was going to slit his throat. "Levi, what are you talking about?" Erwin was looking at Levi with confusion. "Who is she?" Levi rose up from the chair when Erwin was taking off his socks and his pants. "Oh! You mean Violet? She's just helping me with the letters for the government officials," Erwin said while taking off his white shirt. "Don't you play stupid with me! I know you can write your letter by yourself!" Levi walked closer to Erwin but the blond man just chose to ignore him. "Levi, i'm tired, i want to bathe then i'm going to sleep, i don't have energy to fight with you," Erwin said with his clothes wrapped with his fongers, ready to enter the bathroom. Levi just sat, folding his legs, still on the chair being extra grumpy with his fingers tapping on the table continuously.</p><p>Erwin got out of the bathroom with a set of grey pajama, he immediately sat on the bed while looking at his grumpy partner. "You shouldn't sleep on the chair, it's not very good for your back," Erwin yawned. He then rose up from the bed and turned off the light before dozing off to sleep. He was really tired that night.</p><p>"Good night, Levi, you can always sleep on the bed whenever you want to," Erwin said before closing his eyes and immediately went to sleep.</p><p>In the darkness, Levi kept on looking at Erwin's face. <em>Violet</em>. He remembered the girl's name.</p><p>
  <em>Who the hell is this Violet girl? What's he doing with this Violet girl? How does she look like? The boys said that she's really pretty! Wait, Marie also had blonde hair and blue eyes and slender body ... Does Erwin fall in love with her? Did he sleep with her? Why does Erwin sleep so peacefully? Ugh.</em>
</p><p>Levi's head was filled with anger and jealousy. But, he didn't want to wake Erwin up. Erwin was tired and he could see that in his face. His feeling shouldn't make Erwin's job quality decreasing. So, Levi just sat there on the chair, waiting until he could doze off himself.</p><p>The next day, Levi woke up at the bed without Erwin beside him. He was sure it was Erwin who carried him to their bed. But, then Erwin left very early, even before Levi had woken up.</p><p>
  <em>He must be meeting that Violet girl again.</em>
</p><p>It was the same routine that morning. Breakfast at the cafetaria with Hanji, with the kids behind him, and that time they were also talking about pretty blonde girl from Stohess who's rumored to have something going on with Commander Smith.</p><p>Levi certainly couldn't eat his bread and soup peacefully. He couldn't help but to overhear the young soldiers talking.</p><p>"Do you know that blonde girl from Stohess wear the same bolo tie with Commander Smith?" "Holy shit! Commander Smith is so lucky for getting that girl" "I heard that she was also a soldier in Survey Corps but she resigned from Survey Corps" "It seems like the knew each other for a long time time already"</p><p>Levi felt like he's going to burst in anger. So he rose up and moved to another chair, so he didn't have to listen to the boys gossiping about Erwin and that pretty blond Violet girl. Hanji could only look at him with confusion.</p><p>So, that afternoon, he went to Stohess. Finding who the hell that Violet girl was. He was wearing all black and he made sure Erwin wouldn't know that he was following him. He saw Erwin's cart in front of AMD company, an abbreviation of Auto Memory Doll company. After asking around, Levi concluded that it was a company that helped people in writing and/or typing letter for every occasion.</p><p>Levi was observing from far away and in an hour he could see that Erwin was coming out of the company, followed with a blonde girl with fair skin. She was wearing a white shirt and brown skirt that covered all of her legs. Just like how it was rumored, she was pretty. Levi could also see that she was wearing the same bolo tie with Erwin, her brooch was also green.</p><p>She bowed down to Erwin. But, Erwin seemed to talk something to her, like "You don't have to do it" She then stood up straight. Erwin then tapped her shoulder and said something to her. Their blue eyes met and Erwin softly smiled to the woman. "Thank you," Erwin said. Levi could see how his mouth formed those words.</p><p>It was nothing special but somehow it still irritated Levi. Why didn't he accept that Violet girl's formality. Why did he tap her shoulder and smile at her? Did he like her romantically? It seemed like Erwin's the one initiating the whole thing towards that Violet girl!</p><p>Moreover, she looked like Marie with her soft blonde hair and her fair skin and her blue eyes.</p><p>Levi couldn't stop thinking about it until night. But, that night, Erwin came back to him right on time. Just like usual. "So, it does need me getting angry so you would no longer spend too much time with that Violet girl," Levi said.</p><p>"I don't need Violet to write letters anymore .. The government officials had agreed with our next expedition planning," Erwin answered. A blatant lie, Levi thought. He liked that girl.</p><p>Even when it reached the time when they should sleep, Levi didn't go the bed. He still sat on his chair, folding both of his arms and his thigh on top of another thigh. There's a cup of tea on his table that's almost finished.</p><p>"It's time to go to bed, Levi," Erwin was already wearing his pajama, sitting on their bed. "I'm <em>still</em> going to sleep on the chair," Levi said, still sounded irritated. "You know it's not good for your back, come, sleep here," Erwin said while tapping his bed. "No," Levi turned his head away. "That's an order," Erwin giggled. "In this bedroom, i'm not your subordinate," Levi replied. Erwin sighed, but then he smiled again, he stood up and carried Levi anyway. The bigger man then put Levi on their bed.</p><p>"You can't do that to me! I don't want to sleep on the bed!" Levi said to him. He only giggled while looking at the petite captain. Erwin didn't say a thing, he just hugged Levi and pulled him under the blanket with him. Erwin was leaning on the bed with his arm circling on Levi's waist. Erwin then whispered to him with warmth in his voice "Levi, you're my one and only, there's nothing going on between me and Violet." "Liar," Levi said. "You know i don't lie to you," Erwin said while nudging Levi's neck with his head. Erwin then hugged Levi even tighter, with the emotional turmoil in his heart. He made sure Levi didn't know about it, not now.</p><p>It was two days before their last expedition together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, this is my very first Eruri fic, my most favorite ship of them all. I'd like to state that English is not my first language so please forgive me if i make some grammatical/vocabulary mistakes.</p><p>Please leave your comments/review below if you want me to continue this fiction( aka jumping to the main story)</p><p>Attack on Titan, Violet Evergarden and anything related to them do not belong to me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. First Letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Levi got a guest named Violet, she was there to deliver Erwin's first letter to him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Erwin's and Levi's bedroom.</p><p>The sun was brightly shining that morning. Since Erwin's death, Levi was able to sleep like longer, he didn't have nightmares, instead he had beautiful dreams that included him and Erwin, in a calming state, where there were no political intrigues or even slicing titans' napes.</p><p>He always tried to sleep longer. Because every time he woke up, he was reminded by the grim reality that the person he loved the most, his liege, his commander, a guy who he would call "husband" if gay marriage was legal, was dead and he would never come back alive. So, Levi could only meet him in his dream.</p><p>He never slept on the chair since Erwin's death, he always slept on the bed, not because the softness of the bed but because how it still smelled like him. How sometimes he would fantasize that Erwin's still there, hugging him like his mother and when he close his eyes, he could see his blonde liege, hugging him and smiled at him with his soothing gaze from his blue eyes.</p><p>His dreams were the only medium where he could feel the presence of him. His dreams were his dark beautiful paradise.</p><p>It was a week after Erwin's death. Hanji knew that Levi was grieving and Hanji also knew that Levi's way of grieving was to sleep a little longer than usual, that's why they never woke up him.</p><p>But, that day, that morning, Hanji had to knock Levi's bedroom door. Because, someone came over to see Levi. Someone blonde and slender, with fair skin and beautiful clear blue eyes. Someone that would catch every boy's attention in the Corps.</p><p>"There's a pretty girl waiting for you in Erwin's office, she wanted to meet you in private," Hanji said to him.</p><p>She was waiting for Levi in Erwin's office. The place where Levi would go in the afternoon just to sit down and grieve, to pretend that he could feel his presence. Of course, Levi woke up and got dressed to see this girl. His hair was disheveled and he was only wearing a black shirt and black pants.</p><p>When Levi opened the door, Levi knew exactly who she was. That Violet girl. <em>What the hell is she doing here? Is this anything to do with Erwin? Did they secretly marry and now she wanted to claim Erwin's money? Or is the girl pregnant with Erwin's child?</em></p><p>But, Levi didn't say a thing, instead he sat on Erwin's chair and stared at the girl in front of him. She brought herself a brown leather bag, the girl was wearing a white shirt with a long green pleated skirt, on her neck, there's a bolo tie with green brooch in the middle of it.</p><p>
  <em>Did Erwin buy her the brooch?</em>
</p><p>Levi couldn't help but to wonder. He was already consumed with jealousy every time he saw her.</p><p>"What do you want?" Levi folded his arms. "Captain Levi Ackerman, i would like to hand you a letter from Commander Erwin Smith," Her voice was stern ... stoic ... almost robotic ... it reminded him of Mikasa Ackerman. But, he thought that she's certainly more feminine and graceful compared to Mikasa.</p><p>She put out a white envelope from her bag. On top of it, Levi could see his name written in Erwin's personal hand writing. Levi suddenly felt emotional seeing it. He then ripped the letter open immediately. The first thing he saw that the letter was typed and it had Erwin's signature at the end of it and his personal stamp on the envelope. To prove that the letter was real.</p><p>"<em>To whom i respect the most, Levi Ackerman,</em></p><p>
  <em>If you are reading this, that means that i am dead already.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I started writing this letter with Violet because at this point, i got a very uncomfortable hunch. A hunch that i might be dead soon and i would like to tell you things that i might not be able to say to you in case that i'd be dead faster than i thought i'd be.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Violet here worked as an Auto Memory Doll, a person who helped others in writing and typing and sending letters. She also lost her captain and someone whom she loved the most during the war, that is why i'm writing with her and not with anyone else.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Violet lost her will to fight and she went into the state of deep depression when her captain and her beloved one, Gilbert, died. And i don't want you to be like her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish that you no longer sleep on the chair and sleep on our bed. I wish that you would not drink either coffee or tea at night, so you could sleep better. I wish that you would eat well and sleep well so you could continue your life healthily.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But, the most important of them all is that I wish that you would still live your life to the fullest. To continue choosing the choices that you would never regret.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And i'd like to say thank you for everything that you had done for me. You had made me a very happy man and i wish that one day we could see each other again in another life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Best regards,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Erwin Smith."</em>
</p><p>Levi folded the letter and put it back to the envelope. He was staring at the girl in front of him. He was inhaling and exhaling his breath. He wanted to cry but he hold it in front of the blonde girl in front of her.</p><p>"You're dismissed," Levi said to the blonde woman. Violet rose up, bowed down and left the room.</p><p>Levi's head was leaning on the wooden table and his hand was on top of the envelope on the table. "Erwin, you bastard," he said with tears falling out of his eyes, wetting the wooden table.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, it's Erwin's first letter. I hope that you like the fic.</p><p>Please leave some likes and comments if you enjoyed the fic and wanted it to be continued!</p><p> </p><p>Attack on Titan, Violet Evergarden and anything related to them do not belong to me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Erwin's Office. 10 AM.</p><p>It was another month after Erwin's death.</p><p>But, at that time, Levi was no longer sleeping. He was inside Erwin's office room, arranging the books and the papers related to the expedition. He hated how untidy they were but at the same time, he was afraid to touch it, they were all important files and books for Erwin. Now, that Erwin's gone he could rearrange the books and the files while looking through them, maybe he could find something useful for their next mission.</p><p>The man was also in complete set of his cleaning attire. A cloth face mask, an apron, and bandana on him. He was surprised when there as a knocking voice on Erwin's office door.</p><p>"Come in," Levi ordered. When the person came in, Levi was surprised that it was that blonde girl again. Violet came again. She looked the same the last time Levi saw her. She also brought a bag filled with letters.</p><p>"What brings you here?" Levi asked her. "Good morning, Captain," She greeted him. "I am bringing you another letter from Commander Smith," Violet said to him. Levi's pupils were dilated. He could feel mixed feelings after hearing those words.</p><p>"Could you please just leave it on the table?" Levi requested the girl. Violet complied, she then put the letter on the table and bowed down to Levi before she exited the room.</p><p>Levi immediately stopped arranging Erwin's books and files. He sat down on his chair while picking the envelope on the table. Erwin made sure that it was from him, it was stamped using Erwin's personal stamp. Levi opened the envelope slowly, he then pulled the letter out of the envelope gently.</p><p>There were Erwin's stamp and his signature on the paper. The letter was so much different compared to the previous one. The tone was lighter.</p><p>"<em>Hello, Levi.</em></p><p>
  <em>If you're reading this second letter, you must have read the first one. You might be confused why there are more letters, actually i am planning to give you letters with timed intervals that only i and Violet who know. I want to say things i can't say to you through these letters.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Levi do you remember our time at Hopkotch Bar at Wall Sina? The brunette female singer was singing "Can't help falling in love" and there were couples dancing in the middle of the room. That moment, i realized that song perfectly described my feeling to you. I wanted to ask you to dance with me. But, you said you were tired and you didn't want to be the center of attention. So, we didn't dance that night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I kind of regret that night i didn't ask you to dance with me in our bedroom. I wished that we could dance together that night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe one day, in another life, we could dance again. Out in the public. With no judgment from anyone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With regards,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Erwin Smith."</em>
</p><p>Levi's mind travelled back to that night in Hopkotch Bar.</p><p><em>Flashback</em>.</p><p>Hopkotch Bar. Wall Sina. 8 PM.</p><p>They had just came home from reporting to the officials. Levi was the one who accompanied Erwin that day. Since, they were at Sina, Erwin asked Levi to accompany him to drink and eat at Hopkotch Bar. Levi was tired already, having to smile and do small talks to the officials, he wanted to go back to their bedroom and just bathe and rest.</p><p>"Hello, commander Smith, nice seeing you again," the bald male waiter who looked like in his fifties greeted him. "And you are ... captain Levi, right?" The bald guy guessed. Levi looked irritated that he ought to do more small talks. He just nodded to the bald guy while glaring at him. "Can i take your order, sir?" The bald waiter immediately diverted his gaze to Erwin's and asked the big man. "Two portions of pork knuckle, one bottle of red wine and a pot of black tea please," Erwin said. Levi was surprised that Erwin was ordering such an expensive menu and a pot of black tea when it's not even his birthday. "They are expensive," Levi commented after the waiter left both of them.</p><p>"It's alright, you had done a great job today, you deserve nice food and your favorite drink," Erwin smiled to the black haired man. "A great job? Pfft! Shouldn't you say it when i managed to finish some deadly missions during our expedition?" Levi scoffed. "You're already an expert in that, what you're not an expert is small talking with the higher ups," Erwin smiled while wiping the table with the provided tissue. "Why are you wiping the table? Usually you never wipe the table," Levi asked. It was always Levi who wiped the table, since he was this clean freak everyone knew. "Is it wrong to be more hygienic?" Erwin giggled. "You're weirdly happy today," Levi said to him.</p><p>The men were enjoying their time at the bar. The food was great and they certainly enjoyed their beverages. Erwin's mood got even better when the female singer with brunette hair and tanned skin rose up to the stage and started singing. The songs varied from upbeat ones to slow ones. A lot of people came to the front to dance with their partners. Mostly were couples and fathers and their daughters. Erwin looked like he really enjoyed their time there. His head moved following the rhythm of the songs and he couldn't keep his off of the dance floor.</p><p>When the song "can't help falling in love" was playing, Levi could feel Erwin's shoe nudging his leg. "Don't you want to dance with me, Captain Levi?" Erwin's upper body moved closer to Levi's with his elbow leaning on the table. "Are you crazy?" Levi was shocked with Erwin's offering. "Come on," He pleaded. "You're certainly too drunk to function," Levi said while drinking another cup of tea. "I guess it's time for us to go," Levi then pulled Erwin's wallets out of his pocket to pay the bills before pulling his arms so he would get out of the bar and they could come back to their camp.</p><p>Bedroom. 11:50 PM.</p><p>Erwin was the first one who cleaned himself up, he was already in his white pyjama. When Levi was finished brushing his teeth, suddenly the big man hugged Levi from back with his arm, the petite man was already wearing a white t-shirt and a dark grey boxer. "We should've danced you know," Erwin whispered beside his ear. "We shouldn't," Levi said while putting his toothbrush on its place. Levi then pushed Erwin's arm away from his body. He was really tired that day. He couldn't stand Erwin playing clingy and lovey dovey with him at that moment.</p><p>"No one wants to see two men dancing romantically out in the open," Levi explained to Erwin as he sat on the bed. "Alright then," His expression changed, he was calmer. Both of them then went to bed.</p><p>In the middle of night, Levi was awaken at how Erwin suddenly hugged him from behind, Erwin hugged him tightly. Tighter than usual. But, Levi didn't say a thing, he was tired, so he continued back to sleep.</p><p>It was two months before their last expedition.</p><p>
  <em>End of flashback.</em>
</p><p>Erwin's Office.</p><p>Levi leaned on Erwin's chair and put the letter on the table. He gazed up, to the wooden roof.</p><p>"So, that's why you really wanted to dance with me in that bar," He sighed. He realized that perhaps it was the first time Erwin got a hunch about how his death was near and the blonde man was certainly sober.</p><p>He also realized the reason why Erwin wiped their table and spent a lot of money on those expensive meals and beverages with Levi because he wanted to enjoy his short time with him, he wanted to make Levi happy.</p><p>That moment, Levi didn't say a thing. He just inhaled more air, imagining his scent around him. Levi closed his eyes, he thought maybe be could see his face again in his dream.</p><p>Few days after reading Erwin's second letter.</p><p>That night, Levi went to another bar at Wall Rose. He was invited by the younger cadets and Hanji. Surprisingly, he joined them. He thought that maybe he should stop digging a grave of deep depression.</p><p>He sat at the table located the edge of the bar with Hanji, who eventually joined the young cadets to chat with them. Levi was only observing from a far while drinking his tea. The bar was less fancy that the one at Sina but certainly better than the bar at Maria.</p><p>His pupils were dilated when he saw the singer rose up to the small wooden stage. It was the same brunette girl who sang at Hopkotch Bar.</p><p>"Wise man say only fools rush in..." She started singing.</p><p>Levi could feel sense of tightness in his chest. It was that song. His mind travelled to his dead partner's face once again. Those blue eyes gazing at Levi's face, those blonde strands, his head moving to the song and his soft smile whenever he was gazing at his partner.</p><p>
  <em>Shall i stay?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Would it be a sin?</em>
</p><p>His big warm hands that made him felt beloved every time he rubbed Levi's hair.</p><p>
  <em>Take my hand</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Take my whole life too</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For i can't help falling in love with you.</em>
</p><p>Then Levi truly realized that Erwin loved him, he loved him very very very much.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The whole "dark paradise" theme (i think) is very suitable to Eruri since photography didn't exist in Eldia's Paradis. That's why in order to see Erwin's face, Levi felt the need of closing his eyes, so he could "see" Erwin's face. That's also the reason why the title is "Letter from Paradise" </p><p>And yes, it was Elvis Presley's version of Can't Help Falling in Love.</p><p>Attack on Titan, Violet Evergarden and anything related to them do not belong to me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Funeral</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It was seven in the morning. Levi was the one who picked the day of Erwin's burial. He picked Erwin's corpse two days before the burial, right in that house in Shingasina. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He didn't look like the way he was. He wasn't that handsome blonde tall gentleman he loved. He transformed to be this small thin brown corpse, his bones were shown already under the Survey Corps uniform. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">An hour before the funeral, Levi entered the room where they put Erwin's corpse inside the coffin. There were young staffs who had just finished pouring chemicals to preserve his corpse a little longer and putting on Survey Corps outfit. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Can you please leave me alone for a while?" Levi was rounded by endless grief that day. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The morning he woke up that day, he already felt not wanting to get up from the bed, not wanting to show up at the funeral. He was so sad, he was so afraid that he wouldn't be able to face everyone. He didn't even bother to comb his hair that day. So, he just put his uniform and coat like usual and walked out of the room with his unusually unruly hair. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The young men moved out of the preparation room, leaving Levi there alone, with Erwin's corpse.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Levi came there just because he wanted to see Erwin for the very last time before his corpse went underground. But, the moment he was left alone in the room, he couldn't hold his emotion. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">All of the memories of Erwin flashed into his mind. Soft blonde hair with the smell of pomade had turned to wispy dead blonde strands. A pair of calming blue eyes, with the color that resembles the sky and the sea. When he saw the corpse, he had them no more. A handsome face with chiseled jaw and cheekbones Levi adored turned into gaunt wrinkly brown corpse. A pair of lively lips that were used kiss him, to speak stories and plans that amused him turned ash grey. Broad shoulder he used to lean his head on turned into bones covered with skin. The big hand that Erwin used to hold Levi's sword until it was bleeding badly to calm Levi down after Levi lost Isabel and Farlan turned into skinny boney fingers still connected only by dry muscles with parched ashy skin. He used to smell like musk but then he smelled like chloroform. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Levi touched Erwin's hand for the very last time. It was no longer big and warm like it was. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Levi bursted into tears. The sadness felt like it was choking him. He couldn't contain his feelings. He didn't move, he just stood there. His tears fell on Erwin's uniform, making round spots on his uniform. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Hanji who was standing in front of the door, ready to push the door to inform Levi to be prepared for Erwin's funeral heard Levi sobbing inside the room. So, they postponed their plan to enter the room.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Hanji waited until the voice of Levi sobbing disappeared before knocking the door and entering the room. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">There, Hanji saw Levi with his red eyes holding Erwin's hand. "Levi, it's time to go," Hanji said, also with sadness in their eyes. "I'll join you in a moment," Levi answered. Hanji knew that perhaps Levi needed few more minutes so they got out of the room and left Levi alone.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">After Hanji closed the door, Levi moved closer to Erwin's ear and whispered to him while holding his hand for the very last time.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Erwin, thank you," he whispered before leaving the room. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The funeral was set on 8 AM in the morning. Fortunately, it was a sunny day. The soldiers were gathering in formal manner, with their coat-like formal uniforms. The queen was also present at the event. Erwin was after all a hero, a man who managed to make Historia, the true heir of the royal blood, the queen. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Hanji was the one who presented the show as the new head of the Survey Corps. So, they were the one who opened the speech and then followed by the queen's speech.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Somewhere in the middle, a woman with blonde hair was sitting beside a man with brunette hair, her name was Marie Dok. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Which one was his lover? I'm curious, i never see him," She whispered to her husband in her thick Southern accent. "I never thought Erwin would swing the other way," She added. "It's that small guy over there," Nile whispered back to his wife. "That blonde guy who looks like a girl?" Marie said, pointing out to Armin. "No! The dark haired one with eternal grumpy face," Nile said. "Oh! You mean that tiny one with the funny hair, i never thought he would be Erwin's type," Marie giggled.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The couple continued gossiping about Erwin and Levi until Levi stood before the altar, to give a speech about Former Commander Erwin. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">From the altar Levi could see Marie, Erwin's ex lover, who was a little less attractive compared to what he had in mind. He was also surprised to see Violet showing up in the middle of the funeral, wearing a black ensemble, sitting in the middle. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Levi opened the written paper about his upcoming speech in front of the audience but when he read it, he knew that he would definitely bursted into emotions he wasn't willing to show to those people. So, he chose just to read the last paragraph. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Erwin Smith ....," he paused."Was a great man, an excellent commander who had the ability to plan the most unthinkable tactics that ended with us reaching the goals that were only fantasy to us. But, now, it is time for him to rest and for us to always remember and honor him, thank you" Levi read it very fast in one breath and the left the venue immediately. Hanji and the soldiers knew that it was because it was too emotional for him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Even though Erwin and Levi always tried to be discreet, some people would always find out. Sometimes, they just couldn't hide it. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Levi went to the back alley, where there was no one there, only him. He sat there alone, hugging his legs while emptily gazing at the empty wall in front of him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Captain Levi," A soft feminine voice startled him. It was her, the blonde haired Violet Evergarden, the messenger, Erwin's messenger. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She was wearing a black shirt with that green bolo tie and matching pleated skirt, her hair was braided and complimented with a black bow and her feet were covered with black boots. Her hands were covered with short black gloves.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"What do you want?" Levi's eyes were swollen and the man was wiping his tears on his face with his white handkerchief. He tried to hide the fact that he was crying.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Commander Smith was a kind person," Violet mentioned as she sat beside Levi. Curling her legs that were covered by black stockings and black long skirt. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"He was the one who comforted me when Commander Gilbert died," Violet's words piqued Levi's interest.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"This day reminds me of Commander Gilbert's funeral, i couldn't accept his death, i cried until i lost consciousness," Violet said reminiscing how insane she was like, how she cried the whole time, how she denied the fact that Gilbert had died. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"I missed his funeral, i missed the very last time when i could honor him," Violet said. "I was too deep in my grief, i couldn't control myself to be the best for him, even until the very last time and .... therefore i regret it," Levi couldn't stop gazing at her green eyes, it looked like Violet was ready to burst in tears.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"I don't think it is what commander Smith would wish for his most important person not to appear during his funeral," Violet stood up, straightening her skirt while looking at Levi's face. She was worse than him, she knew how it felt like losing someone so dear to her heart but perhaps what Levi was experiencing was worse, if she explicitly showed her love to Commander Gilbert, people wouldn't ostracize her but Levi was a man and Erwin was a man, they're expected to hide their feelings, especially in the community where same sex relationship was perceived as something dreadful. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"I'm going to go back to the venue," She said, she didn't force him to show up during the funeral, instead, she walked away. Giving the Captain more time to process everything. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Violet!" He called her name. "Are there more letters from him?" Levi stopped her, the girl turned her back. "Yes," Violet said with a wet handkerchief in her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p3"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Cemetery for Outstanding Members of Paradis Military. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Erwin's casket was carried by the younger Survey Corps cadets. Everyone from the Survey Corps were present. He was a respectable man, a man who brought hope and unrevealed the truth to the world. An irreplaceable visionarie. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">They were accompanied by the military choir singing the Paradis Funeral Song when they lowered down the brown casket to the burial site. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Have you seen Levi?" Hanji asked Mikasa, only replied by her shaking her head. Hanji was worried. It was so wrong for Levi not showing up during Erwin's funeral and Hanji had to lead the funeral speech immediately.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Go find Captain Levi," Hanji said to Floch before joining the funeral again. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"We are here to honor the death of the thirteenth commander of the Survey Corps, the man who had brought us to the truth of the world, it was impossible for us to reach this point if it weren't for Commander Erwin Smith's dedication, may his soul rest in peace, he will never be forgiven," Hanji read the speech before giving Erwin the salute along with the rest of the military soldiers.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"And now, it is time for us to take a moment of silence to honor the thirteenth commander of the Survey Corps," Dot Pixis then was in charge. The bugle was played and the choir sang louder. The soldiers put their hands on their chests. The soldiers who stood up front, including Eren, Mikasa and Armin held the Survey Corps flag on top of the casket. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Jean, Sasha and Connie were put in the back, they were shocked when suddenly Captain Levi stood beside them, right beside Connie. His gaze looked empty and his eyes were swollen, he joined them in the moment of silence.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"We have finished the moment of silence and now it is time to close the casket," Dot Pixis said. Levi twitched when he heard the casket closed, the gazed at the corpse with choking sensation in his neck, he couldn't stop gazing at Erwin's corpse and as if it was playing again in slow motion, it got him question his decision. <em>What if he gave the serum to Erwin and not Armin?</em> He wouldn't have to experience this deep despair. He wouldn't have to feel like something's choking him and how life only felt like dangling balloon after his death.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Then the casket was closed. It was the last time he could see Erwin. It was the time when he had to completely say goodbye to him.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The funeral ended with the casket lowered to the ground and the younger cadets of Survey Corps covering the casket with dirts and the older ones throwing flowers on it. Once they were done, they covered the dirt with Survey Corps flag. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The choir kept on singing until the process was over. Levi just stood there, along with Hanji, looking empty as the cadets ending the funeral procession. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Salute," Dot Pixis led again. The soldiers all saluted with their hands on their chests. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"And now this is the end of the procession," after few minutes Dot Pixis ended the ceremony. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Everyone slowly left the venue, Levi just stayed there, frozen, gazing at name on the stone, Erwin Smith. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He's dead. He's not coming back. <em>Why didn't he choose Erwin over Armin?</em> The thoughts kept on ringing in his head.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Levi, it's time to go back," Hanji tapped his shoulder. "Give me few more minutes," Levi said. Hanji understood so they also left.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">When everyone left, Levi squatted in front of Erwin's resting place, staring at Erwin's name while his face was plastered in his head. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Was i wrong for choosing Armin over you?" He whispered. Levi was exhausted, the grief exhausted him to the point where he questioned his judgment.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Captain," A familiar voice called him. "There is actually a letter i'd like to give to you today," she said. Levi turned his back. He immediately stood up.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The girl took out the letter from her black bag. Levi didn't care, he immediately torn the envelope to read the letter.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s2">Levi, </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s2">Perhaps i died with no remnants left but if i happen to die with remnants left, i believe you will orchestrate a proper burial for me.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s2">During the funeral, perhaps you will question your own judgment. But, i want you to know, i trust your judgment the way you trusted mine. </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s2">Whatever you had chosen to do, it was the right choice and i want you to understand that you should live with no regret.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s2">I have nothing to forgive because you make no mistake to me. Thank you for everything, Levi.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s2">With love,</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em> <span class="s2">Erwin Smith.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Levi closed the letter and put it in the torn envelope again. He put it in his coat, right in front of his heart. Words he would keep dearly with him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Levi was reminded that conversation he had with Erwin on the top of the Wall Maria during the sunset. They were discussing about dreams, especially Erwin's curiosity about the humanity and the titan. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"One can truly be free when they die when they were chasing their dreams," Erwin said. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The words comforted Levi. Levi chose the right choice, a decision best for Erwin, the decision that Erwin had wanted too.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Thank you, Erwin," He whispered once again before he left the site. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Author's Note :</p><p>I was actually quoting one of the interviews from Isayama about how Erwin thought that freedom was when one died DURING the process not after reaching one's dream.</p><p>And of course Levi's still grieving, still in that denial phase but instead of questioning whether Erwin's dead or not, he questioned his decision on choosing Armin instead of Erwin because grieving sucks and it felt suffocating. It was him being selfish towards himself but at the end he realized that it was for Erwin's goods, what he had done was for Erwin and Erwin would want that too. He didn't want to show up in the funeral too because it was just too overwhelming, the feelings and the extreme sadness were something he didn't want to show to anyone.</p><p>And for everyone who is still grieving for whatever reason it is, time will heal but if it doesn't heal, you should never be embarrassed to seek for professional help.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>